This Space

The dog woke me up, she stood at the side of the bed - my side, not Robbie's side - and trembled until I heaved myself up and over and out of the warmth and took her downstairs to go out. I was awake then, fully awake at quarter-past-five in the morning, my brain turning over things I've been reading like this blog and this book, and that it's still raining, and that soon I'll have to make breakfast - maybe these, today - in the hush before getting-ready-for-school. 

So I sit here at the kitchen bench, my tea steaming sweetly beside me, and I'm feeling a little frustrated, a little stuck between spaces, in a way that's more evident than ever in these early hours. What is this space, that's mine? This space of science and the written word and the miles we drive on the weekend - they're my openings outward, tendrils seeking light and warmth in the world around me, and yet they're confining me in all the possibility.

I feel the need to create, but what? And will it be any good? 

Now I'm back to sipping my tea, and in a moment I'll have to leave this and get out the butter and the flour and the deep, rich rapadura sugar, and I'll make something to eat that's much like a cupcake (but it's not, it's just French) and maybe another cup of tea, and I'll let my mind wander over the people who inspire me (like Cheryl, or Phyllis, or Jess, or Yvonne, or my very own Robbie, or for that matter Alan Lightman or Tracy K Smith or Jane Hirshfield or John Steinbeck, because you cannot fail to be inspired by someone who can write the following, am I right?
"Someone should write an erudite essay on the moral, physical, and esthetic effect of the Model T Ford on the American nation. Two generations of Americans knew more about the Ford coil than the clitoris, about the planetary system of gears than the solar system of stars." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row
And I'll set about my day, and I'll be who I am, whoever that is - ecologist, writer, mother, cook, partner, traveler, explorer, survivor, dishwasher, reader, learner - and I'll work at being good at all those things simultaneously, in some likely-unachievable way, but hell. This is my space.

Good morning, friends,
Amanda xx


  1. Oh my goodness, YOU inspire ME, and you have since the moment I found you online. What a pleasure to now have met you in person.

    And never say "likely-unachievable." Never even think it.

  2. @CherylCheryl! Thank you, thank you,
    with tears, and happy friendship hugs xx

  3. I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and you're so inspiring to me. :) I am a young mother with dreams of becoming a scientist and sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but reading your blog always lifts my spirits and makes me determined to reach my goals. Plus, you have some really good looking recipes on here. ;) Thank you for everything!


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Thanks for commenting! Amandaxx