Sunday, February 20, 2011

I'm Not Perfect ... Though I Try to Be

This site makes me happy-happy. I love food, I love photography, I love sharing ideas and learning from all of you. But I've been having a debate lately with a close friend about the honesty of blogging. The me that comes out here, online - is it the real me? Or is this the me that I want to be? That I want to define and record for posterity and the rest of the world?

Well, probably a bit of both.


Because every day - every. single. day. I struggle with all the things I write about here. I over-book the day, and run short on time for dinner. I rarely plan out a menu more than a few hours ahead of time. I worry that I'm not a good mum - because I'd rather take Nelle out for a coffee than build stuff out of playdoh. Sometimes she eats pasta for lunch and dinner. Two days in a row. I try to involve her in the garden and the kitchen, but sometimes I pull the bowls silently out of the cupboard so I can have the muffins in the oven before she's even noticed ... and dragged her stool over to the counter ... and got her apron on and egg down her front ...

I worry about things, too. Like cancer. *#&! cancer. I'd give anything for someone to say to me - hey, that sucked that you had cancer so young, but know what? It's never coming back, so go on - have that second glass of wine (guilt-free!). Stop imagining things growing away in the nooks and crannies of your body! Enjoy the 60+ years you've got left!

So I have to remind myself of the same things I write here. Do the best you can. Take time out and do some menial labour. You are the best mum you can be. The threat of cancer's there ... but you're going to be ok. Even if it does come back, you'll be ok.

And I remember the biggest thing I've learned in the past couple of years ...

to love (really love) ...
and live (really live) ...

and be.

Amanda xx

14 comments:

jenny @ giftboxology said... [Reply to comment]

amanda i love what you have written because it sounds like the little thoughts that pop into my head. i think we all have similar thoughts from time to time.

sometimes we just have to do our best - i dont think our kids are going to need therapy because we prefer taking them for a coffee rather than the park. great post!

Where My Heart Is said... [Reply to comment]

Great photo and post Amanda! I can relate to so much of what you have said.

Most of us are running around trying to be perfect and don't have time to really love or live. The fact that you have learned to really love and live is a priceless gift.

Sharilynn said... [Reply to comment]

Hey Amanda, Sharilynn here (from long-ago SFU days). I just stumbled across your blog, and wanted to leave a comment to say that this is a lovely post. It is true, we are none of us perfect and anyhow, I'm not sure sure that afternoons at the cafe and two straight days of pasta won't be some of the joyful things that Nelle remembers about growing up with you as her mom ;) We are all doing our best (and it sounds like your best is pretty fabulous!). Glad you are well, I'll look forward to following your blog as you grow this new path of your life.

Courtney said... [Reply to comment]

Hi Amanda, I really love the honesty of your post - and agree that the beauty of blogging helps us become more of who we want to be! But we also have to be real with who are at the same time - what a funny balance, yes? Keep up the great work - and remember that sometimes our imperfections (in our eyes) make us the beautiful people we are. xoxo Courtney

Amanda @ Easy Peasy Organic said... [Reply to comment]

@jenny @ giftboxology I think it's so good to confess these things, so you don't feel like the only mum in the world who does X, Y, or Z!

Amanda @ Easy Peasy Organic said... [Reply to comment]

@Where My Heart Is And look at *you* Jess - your kids are grown up and gorgeous!!

Amanda @ Easy Peasy Organic said... [Reply to comment]

@Sharilynn Hey! Long time! Thanks for saying hi :) Hope you're doing well!

Amanda @ Easy Peasy Organic said... [Reply to comment]

@Courtney I must be *very* beautiful, ha ha :)

Amanda @ Easy Peasy Organic said... [Reply to comment]

And also very enthusiastic ... just checked out my series of exclamations on these comments ;)

Sarah said... [Reply to comment]

Such a great honest post and one I can really relate to especially having just had an exhausting toddler tantrum filled day, {and yes she's having chicken goujons again because I can't face another tantrum...}
I love your blog and will definitely be back.
Thanks for visiting me. x

Amanda @ Easy Peasy Organic said... [Reply to comment]

@Sarah Thanks Sarah - hope the tantrums have subsided a bit? :)

Maddie said... [Reply to comment]

This post has touched me. It's so easy to get caught up trying to manipulate life to make it "perfect" but where do we stop and just love, live and be? Thankyou for making my day!

Amanda @ Easy Peasy Organic said... [Reply to comment]

@Maddie Thank *you* Maddie! :)

Anonymous said... [Reply to comment]

Hi, I came across your website and have made a couple of your recipes -kids can make zucchini cake - made that several times so far! Just wanted to say thank you because your website has inspired me! This post really touched me, and the one about taking time. I've learnt and grown 'a lot' in the past few years too. Brilliant, beautiful photo! I have 3 children. The youngest Charlie is just turned 4. "..sometimes I have the muffins in the oven before she's even noticed" - I so have been there! Bless their hearts.
TRUTH: "And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days,for falling in love". Fran

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Thanks for commenting! Amandaxx

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