Sunday, May 15, 2011
Three years ago today.
I sank low in a hot bath, hoping to wash away the longest day of my life. Holding my breath ... anticipating the phone call that would change everything.
Cancer, she said. (me? me) Cancer.
And since then, it's gone. (they say it's gone)
And since then (and for always?), there's a shadow that creeps through life with me. Everywhere. It wakes up with me, it falls into bed with me. It seems to tap me on the shoulder and say ... I could come back. Happy? And safe? (Ha! it says. For now!)
But it's just a shadow. I can't even catch it on film. No one else can see it, hear it, feel its cold fingers. Not like I can.
Just a shadow.
Intangible. Not like the other shadows, the happy ones.
The living ones. These ones.
The ones that make me forget to be afraid ... for even a few, precious moments.